Baby Steps

So, as expected it's been a lot of two steps forward one step back. I'm proud to say that I've come up with a "game plan" of sorts and will be doing my best to stick to that plan and then alter it every week or every other week to include more. I think the problem has always been my "cold turkey" approach. Let's stop drinking all at once, eat better, exercise everyday etc. It might work for a week maybe two then I'm tempted and then it's down hill. I'm hoping with this approach that I can slowly change my habits. I don't want to NOT drink at all, but I know I need to decrease the amount I drink and the times. I found an app that I'm hoping will help. (We'll see...) So far they say it's free (Although, I've already been informed I can be part of their "inner circle" for 9.95 a month then another page saying only $1) then the page won't load all the way so I can't fill in my profile and you need to fill in the profile to start. So far not so good, but I'm still willing to give it a shot. I have downloaded the app on my phone so let's hope that's better than the website. The app is: AutomaticBody. I'll keep you posted if it works. I also signed up for "Freshly" Which are healthy meals already made and sent to you. I got 6 meals for 35 dollars. (The introduction rate) It goes up to 60 after the first trial, but the food I've gotten so far is good. I'm not sure if $60 is worth it. Have to see how everything else goes down. I do use Shipt which delivers groceries to your door. I hate grocery shopping. HATE. so this eliminates that for only a few cents more per item. I can definitely live with that! Plus, I can get a bunch of fruits/veggies and no hassle of the store with 3 kids. Yikes. So here's my plan for the next week. Let's see how it goes. *fingers crossed*

* Drink at least 110 oz of water a day
* Walk one mile for at least 5 days
* Make sure to HAVE breakfast!!
* Drink protein shake for breakfast and/or lunch (SuperK/Carnation)
* Don't eat a crazy dinner (Freshly)
* No eating after 8.

Beginning weight: 210 :(
Mood: Tired, sad, tired...really really tired.
Meds: Allergy meds which include daily and nightly with nasal spray, Anxiety med, Depression med, Cholesterol med (I'm 32 :_( ) GERDS med, Ibuprofen for back pain (I have a bad back)
Side note: I've had thyroid issues since I was in my mid 20s, but no doctor will put me on meds bc I'm "too young" although every female in my family has Graves disease. Also my mother AND father's side all have HBP and High chol regardless of diet.... Also some of these meds cause water weight which sucks. I'm hoping to be off everything except Allergy meds, eventually...

Make a move. Any move.

First week has been...interesting. I drank more than I wanted to. I also went to the doctor, but didn't look at the scale. I know it's hovering around 210. :/ So far this week has been better. No drinking Monday or today. And today I had 2 special k protein shakes and for dinner an avocado, egg, tomatoes and onions. It was pretty good! Aiming for around the same thing tomorrow. I'm also trying to go outside for more sunshine. I think this will help a lot. Vitamin D and all.

I found an article that I found inspiring. Here's a quote:

The truth is that we can’t plan life, but we can participate in it. The things that seem uncontrollable are more in your grasp than you realize. Just remember:

It’s not about the destination. It’s about the direction. 

Although, I'd prefer it's not about the destination. It's about the journey. But you get what I'm saying. Here's the link if you'd like to read: Make a move. Any move.

The beginning

Today has really been a day of reflection and trying to figure out what it is I need to do and how to do it. I've done work outs before, but I guess I'm doing it wrong as I almost always pull something. I can't afford a trainer so I'll have to create a plan of action. Today's accomplishments were: no drinking alcohol and drinking lots of water although I'll be increasing it tomorrow.

My Journey begins tomorrow

The photo on the left was taken in March/April of 2005. The one on the right was taken yesterday 4/30/16. There's about 100 pounds difference between the two and I'm miserable. I've avoided the mirror and taking pictures because I knew it was bad, but when I was out last night (my best friend's going away party) I took pictures and I was truly horrified. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. My kids comment all the time about my big belly and how I look pregnant. I'm on a million different medications (I'll list them another time), I sleep (A LOT), drink way more than I should and I'm just in general miserable. I have no reason to be. I have a great husband, 3 beautiful kids, a job I love and a roof over my head. I should be bouncing with joy not rocking with depression. So, this is what rock bottom feels like, huh? Well, it officially sucks.